a blog calls botts, that is... and because it can be quite painful as well, but we will get to that later, sooner i hope, but later for the moment... about the blog called botts though, brian otts made one (and he may be very sorry he did if he ever finds this, unless, of course, he has a very flexible sense of humor, pun not intended), possibly two or a few, for all i know... make sense i suppose and of course, he had every right... even though he is not using either... i am presuming he is a he, i guess, because i never met a girl named brian... i never met a boy named sue, for that matter, but that's a song you may not even remember if you ever even heard of it... you've heard of johnny cash, no doubt, but then again, maybe not... no worries, i won't be hurt, though i may snicker now and then...
speaking of hurt though... my butt is trying to give birth at the moment... tell me you've never been there and i may just ponder your veracity or consider you the luckiest man (or woman) on the face or the earth (or six feet under, for that matter, which is where i feel like i am going at the moment and my calm irreverent demeanor might bely the evidence i will not actually post here if i ever work it out {no pencils please}... i think)... sometimes it bleeds, even, as the years pass and the elasticity of the tissues fade with with the planet status of pluto, the ex-planet, not the animated personified dog...
omgushing butt... that was intense... no blood, but intense...
see, for me, botts means babbles on the toilet seat... you might have guessed that by now... even without the photo...
and just when i thought i was going to close this bit of botts with a clever line like i'll be plunging for a while, the porcelain pipes surprised me almost as much as my own pipe by sucking it all down with the first flush... must have been softer than it felt, but then, the prunes and water must have helped... it was a fine test of the sphinter (muscle) as it chopped up the harder tip and then let the two foot poop plop into the bowl... it's the width and girth, not the length, that matters when trying to push it out, of course...
so what have i learned from this one?... don't count clever closing quicks before they are hatched?... don't lose track of time at fork and forget to eat or drink anything after a weekend pig-out of cheeses and meats and breads and mushrooms and onions and a whole lot of chocolate?... don't forget to drink a gallon of water every day?... a dozen or so prunes and a two liters of water and a couple of green algae and cayenne pepper capsules and a glycerin suppository can work minor miracles for aging butts?... i actually do have no inhibitions when i claim i have nothing to hide?... it's the density that hurts the most?...
well, the dog is calling so it's time to wrap up this entry, wipe, wash, and take a walk... and yes, density and hardness matter a whole lot, but maybe the most important lesson we can learn from all of this is that it is the width and girth, not the length, that matters when trying to push it out in the end... whatever else i learned, i also learned this...
the camera makes poop look thinner...
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