the human body

the human body is really built inconveniently in some ways... as you may guess basd on this particular blog theme, i specifically refer to the physical need to empty the bladder daily, usually a few times a day or more even if the choice is to drink a healthy amount of fluid, and the need to empty the bowels more or less daily... just look around, everything in our modern culture is built around toilets, bathrooms, rest rooms, water closets, lavatories, johns, or whatever we choose to call the place we leave our excrements... so much plumbing infrastructure and waste management and water usage, fresh water, no less... can you imagine a life without having to poop and pee and wipe and wash every few hours or clean the bathroom, for that matter... more efficient bodies would be nice, and good for the environment too... these are some thoughts that being immobile have inspired lately as every trip to the bathroom and every shower is a painful chore...

obstacle, obstacans

the obstacle of carrying the laptop to the bathroom while on crutches presents the obstacle of continuing the botts, alas, and what might be wasted or untapped (or whatever sotts might have meant, for that matter) or unfinished by my not giving myself the me-time, the private time, the free time to release without any inhibition or distraction that botts can be...

alas, we may never know, but we can overcome...

bum foot, less botts

in case you latched on to this new idea and await with baited breath (can you bait your breath while holding your nose?) for the next exciting blog entry here, botts are not gone, there is just a just briefish hiatus going on here... being on crutches leaves me without hands to bring the laptop into the bathroom and the cheap netbook ($99) i bought doesn't connect to the web consistently (and i am not sure where it is) so the botts have been paused, but the good news, the sotts have not... i will leave it for you to ascertain the understanding laden in this particular entry...

just for the record, i mean :)

what again?

of course, cuz, after all, this process is rather continues, food in, food out, and daily visits to this particular blogspace are probably the healthiest thing a body can do, but then, the body does do the healthiest things it can do every day, do we?... nyuk nyuk?... oh poo on you (perhaps not the best tease tag line, or is it?)...

sleepy day, sleepy poo, sleepy evening... how about you? :)

often easy, sometimes wet

which could also be titled (or subtitled) easy drops can cause splashback and unless you have a meticulously clean bowl that has been recently flushed (and not a bowl that revels in ecologically sound practices like not flushing every time), some splashback can be, well, less than clean if you know what i mean... the ethical dilemma of whether it is nobler to suffer the splashback of yellow water and endure the stink in order to save a bit of the precious, the liquid elixor of life, or to avoid any embarrassment and reduce the risk of infection by flushing every time, and often... not exactly to be or not to be, but not as far as it might seem, aye?... anyway, the purpose here is left open...

and so it goes...

secondary gain?

this blog might not merely be sophomoric humor or an inept attempt at adept physical comedy, there might actually be a secondary gain of monitoring and improving bodily functions that might spill over into better overall health, improved eating habits, and increased exercise if we evaluate the potential i suppose... all this in the second entry, which is typically mindless babbling so who knows, this may be a new bridge toward eternity as the body and mind ages and experience and gravity give and take their respective gifts and tolls... and i also discovered (or realized) why i did not create this blog back when i thought i did (i think) and that is (i think) cuz i think (did i mention this is somewhat based on supposition and scetchy memory?) i put bowel movements and the rest of the bodily functions and care into body thoughts where they logically belong as opposed to the hitherfore mentioned other blog that i believe i mentioned in the previous entry though i may not have if i am trying to keep anyone (that would most likely be you or anyone reading i suppose) from connecting this rather odd and revealing (and some might say graphic or even disgusting, but then, there is no accounting for taste and small minds have long tried very hard {and violently even} to quell and stifle and flat out stop free expression, creativity, openness, exposure of truth, and simple honesty especially when it comes to the human body {i mean, how many nudists do you know?} and so if you are of a small frightened easily offended to control others type of person, you should run now so you are no longer offending yourself by staying here and if you do stay here, try to be a grown up and show some respect if you must state your narrow minded fear-based opinions, nyuk nyuk, gotcha good {you see what i did there?} and so this continuing discussion shall continue wherever it may lead (should this be a discussion for this blogging life i ask rhetorically and respond, whatever)...

anyway (whever we were), the body thoughts blog apparently attempted to keep a polite non-graphic tone going so this one might be born out of the freedom of information act, or something like that...

if words or letters appear out place (beyond the usual typos) it's cuz the keyboard moved out of the typing box somehow as i moved from botts to bed to complete this entry... if it's ever actually completed (i sense this will continue next time)... in any case, second entries are not meant to have a concise flow or point, just to dump (free) excess thoughts about the blog space and provide fodder for critics and fans alike to speculate on the adventures ahead... just in case you wanted to know this, i mean... and so, as the poop slowly spirals into the sunset, or down the drain to be more precise, i bid you a fond farewell and hope all your movements are quite lovely...

ttfn

cuz there was one

a blog calls botts, that is... and because it can be quite painful as well, but we will get to that later, sooner i hope, but later for the moment... about the blog called botts though, brian otts made one (and he may be very sorry he did if he ever finds this, unless, of course, he has a very flexible sense of humor, pun not intended), possibly two or a few, for all i know... make sense i suppose and of course, he had every right... even though he is not using either... i am presuming he is a he, i guess, because i never met a girl named brian... i never met a boy named sue, for that matter, but that's a song you may not even remember if you ever even heard of it... you've heard of johnny cash, no doubt, but then again, maybe not... no worries, i won't be hurt, though i may snicker now and then...

speaking of hurt though... my butt is trying to give birth at the moment... tell me you've never been there and i may just ponder your veracity or consider you the luckiest man (or woman) on the face or the earth (or six feet under, for that matter, which is where i feel like i am going at the moment and my calm irreverent demeanor might bely the evidence i will not actually post here if i ever work it out {no pencils please}... i think)... sometimes it bleeds, even, as the years pass and the elasticity of the tissues fade with with the planet status of pluto, the ex-planet, not the animated personified dog...

omgushing butt... that was intense... no blood, but intense...

see, for me, botts means babbles on the toilet seat... you might have guessed that by now... even without the photo...

and just when i thought i was going to close this bit of botts with a clever line like i'll be plunging for a while, the porcelain pipes surprised me almost as much as my own pipe by sucking it all down with the first flush... must have been softer than it felt, but then, the prunes and water must have helped... it was a fine test of the sphinter (muscle) as it chopped up the harder tip and then let the two foot poop plop into the bowl... it's the width and girth, not the length, that matters when trying to push it out, of course...

so what have i learned from this one?... don't count clever closing quicks before they are hatched?... don't lose track of time at fork and forget to eat or drink anything after a weekend pig-out of cheeses and meats and breads and mushrooms and onions and a whole lot of chocolate?... don't forget to drink a gallon of water every day?... a dozen or so prunes and a two liters of water and a couple of green algae and cayenne pepper capsules and a glycerin suppository can work minor miracles for aging butts?... i actually do have no inhibitions when i claim i have nothing to hide?... it's the density that hurts the most?...

well, the dog is calling so it's time to wrap up this entry, wipe, wash, and take a walk... and yes, density and hardness matter a whole lot, but maybe the most important lesson we can learn from all of this is that it is the width and girth, not the length, that matters when trying to push it out in the end... whatever else i learned, i also learned this...

the camera makes poop look thinner...